My healing started on the day I was born.
My mother had shown signs of illness a few years before I came along, unfortunately when I was just a few days old she became seriously ill again, my father brought me home from hospital and my mother was admitted to a mental home, she was later diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia.
For 18 years my father stood by my mother through her illness, helping and supporting her as much as he could and at the same time being a mother and father to me with no help from anywhere, this put so much pressure on him until he could take no more and found himself on the edge of a breakdown.
He had to make a huge decision, it was time to let go of his wife, my mother, I was 13 when they divorced. Two years later she took her own life.
I am in deep gratitude to my father for bringing me up and not putting me up for adoption. I am also in deep gratitude to my Mother for showing me my path in life, to help myself and others in their healing.
I remember my mother so drugged up on medication that she spoke with a slur and was unusually happy, she smelt of some rank chemical factory which made me feel violently sick and very sad. I never knew my real mother I never felt real love for her.
I used to sit on my bed alone and go into a wonderful space where my inner-voice would speak to me, “There is another way to heal, the drugs are just suppressing the pain she is in”.
Due to my childhood experiences, my own life became a huge rebellion to society and institutions, always moving, never stopping or establishing myself, not really knowing who I was or where i was going.
Eventually I became a mother myself to three beautiful healthy and happy daughters, I was blessed. Yet I was still feeling like I had a huge hole in my soul with huge bouts of deep depression and an excruciating pain which would come on every now and then which the doctors told me i had nothing to worry about and so I learnt to live with it.
In 2001 my grandfather, my mothers father, became ill, and he finally died peacefully in his sleep, he had outlived all of his children and wife, the tragedy was that all his children took their own lives within a few years of each other. I had only contacted my grandfather in the last 10 years of his life, a very solid humble mild mannered man, who believed in mother earth and the universe, and attended Druids meetings. I attended his funeral as his one and only grandchild. At the funeral I was thanking everyone who came to say goodbye, suddenly I felt a huge gust of wind, it blew in threw my right ear and out of my left… it was so strong I had to take a seat before I fell over. I knew who this was, “Good bye Granddad, I love you !!!”
The night before my grandfathers funeral I stayed with one of my best friends in Brighton, she gave me a book to read, The Journey by Brandon Bays, I related to her story so well that I read it within two days. I felt this was exactly the work I needed to do for myself, at the back of the book was a phone number for the journey office. I booked myself into the next seminar, this was the most profound work i had done on myself to help me release all the pain and negativity that i had pushed down and stored in my cells.
The Journey work opened me up to so much love and truth inside myself, dissolving the depression and pain, filling up the hole that had been with me for so many years, I felt that this work was so wonderful that I decided I wanted to be a Journey Practitioner, though I wasn’t sure how I was going to pay for the course.
A month after I had decided this is what I wanted to do I received a letter in the post, it was from my grandfathers solicitor, I had been left almost to the penny the exact amount of money needed to pay for the Journey Practitioner Course.